Carry on. . . .

Its been a wee while, with all my best intentions somtimes it's hard to know where to start on this diary. But here goes and sorry if its a long one. I'm currently undergoing pre pre assessment for a transplant. So that means going to hspital(trying to find a friggin space in the car park) and getting CT scans, xrays, bloods, one density, ultra sounds and next week lung function. Every wee appointment just makes me more aware of the doors that may be opening or possibly shutting on me.

The prospect of having no holiday for a while is horrible, especially with the hope that SH and I were going to go away. He has booked up for a 5week holiday in america his good friend from home is going for 13months and he is going to join him and another two great guys who I met this weekend on a trip to aberdeen. It was their leaving party and they are all brilliant dudes so I know he will have an amazing time. I hate using the word 'deserves' because I dont actually believe anyone is more deserving than others but he is truly amazing, and of the many times I have tried to push him away, he has become wise and taks none of it.

I've had many " dont want you to have to go through this with me"conversations but he tells me that he wouldn't want to be without me and have me go through it myself.

Sometimes I cant belive how utterly lucky I am to have found someone whom I love so all consumngly. He's not only the friendliest dude in the planet but he's the most gentle and caring person also. And he knows when to push me!!

Which I have needed lately. I went for my fitness test and my sats went down to 74%, the week following this I felt pretty crap chest and movement wise ut I couldn't tell if half of it wouldn't have been so bad had I not seen the state of my sats.

So the other night I lay in bed with SH, had a little cry after trying to unsuccessfully push him away and decided I cant use this as an excuse.

I went to the Deen and since then I have been feeling a lot better. So next week when i go for my lung function I think i will tell them I dont want to know the outcome.

What else have I done??

I went to see kylie with nicnac, she wasn't a fab as she was last time I seen her, but maybe thats cos since i met her(nudge nudge name drop!) I met her in JFK airport, then she's just human.

I also went to T in the park with mark, eis, amanda and SH and I had a fab time, mind you all the walking was ahhhhhhhhhhh! Pretty hard but great at the same time. Watching Kings of Leon with SH was my best moment for sure, I really missed his presence last year while watching them. Prodigy closed the t, it's a bit hazy but was a great weekend.

My sister is currently in Iraq at the moment with te armed forces, I can not wait until she gets home. But my poor parents have had a lot to deal with this year.